Why Leaving Your Children To Decide On Their Own Isn’t Always Fair

One of the most common sentiments I hear from family business owners is, “I don’t know if my children are interested in coming into the business. I certainly don’t want to force them; they have to make their own minds up.”

It’s an admirable approach—one that respects the autonomy and individual paths of the next generation. But, while the intention behind this sentiment is commendable, the reality is often more complex.

The question we need to ask ourselves is this: Are the children not showing interest because they’ve made a clear decision, or because they don’t have enough information to make one?

The Challenge Of Uncertainty

When parents take a hands-off approach, hoping their children will decide on their own whether to join the family business, they might unintentionally leave them in a state of uncertainty. For many young adults, the idea of stepping into the family business is daunting. They may not fully understand what their role could be, what the expectations are, or what the long-term opportunities might look like.

Without this crucial information, how can they make an informed decision? It’s not just about respecting their autonomy—it’s about equipping them with the knowledge and clarity they need to make a choice that’s right for them and the business.

The Fairness Of Information

Here’s where a more pragmatic approach comes into play. Rather than leaving children to figure things out on their own, parents could actively paint a picture of what their involvement in the business could look like. This doesn’t mean pushing them in a particular direction or locking them into a role they’re unsure about. Instead, it’s about providing a clear and honest portrayal of the opportunities available, the challenges they might face, and the potential rewards.

Consider sharing insights on:

The Role: What would their day-to-day responsibilities involve? How might their role evolve over time?

The Opportunity: What are the long-term prospects for them within the business? How could they contribute to its growth and success?

The Financial Aspect: What could they realistically expect to earn? What are the financial benefits and risks of joining the business?

Work-Life Balance: How would their involvement impact their personal life? What kind of work-life balance could they expect?

Support Systems: What kind of mentoring, training, and support would they receive?

By providing this information, you’re not forcing a decision—you’re making it fair for them to make one.

The Consequences Of Ambiguity

Let’s consider the alternative. When children are left to figure things out on their own, without clear guidance or understanding, they may drift away from the business—not out of disinterest, but out of uncertainty. They might assume they’re not needed or that the business isn’t a good fit for them. Or worse, they might feel overwhelmed by the weight of expectations they don’t fully understand.

This ambiguity can lead to missed opportunities—for the children and for the business. The family business could lose out on the fresh energy, ideas, and talents the next generation could bring. Meanwhile, the children might miss out on a fulfilling career path that they simply didn’t know enough about to pursue.

I certainly don’t want to force them; they have to make their own minds up.

Empowering A Decision, Not Making It

It’s important to clarify that providing this information doesn’t mean making the decision for them. It’s about empowering them to make an informed choice. It’s about showing them that the door is open, and what lies beyond it, should they choose to walk through.

This approach respects their autonomy while also ensuring they have the full picture. It says, “Here’s what’s possible, here’s what’s expected, and here’s how we can make it work for you.” It’s a balanced way to respect their independence while also safeguarding the future of the family business.

In the end, leaving children to decide on their own whether to join the family business might seem fair, but it could inadvertently lead to confusion and missed opportunities. A more proactive approach—one that provides clear, comprehensive information—ensures they have all the tools they need to make the decision that’s right for them.

It’s not about forcing them into a role; it’s about making sure they understand what’s possible and what’s at stake. That’s not just fair—it’s responsible, for them and for the future of the family business.

About the Author: David Twiddle, Managing Partner at TWYD & Co, specialises in recruiting executive and non-executive roles for family businesses and assisting business families in overcoming complex and sensitive people challenges.